If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no, he came in my armpit
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
