i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..