ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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