but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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