see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
