i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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