My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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