"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
