honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
