I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
