But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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