he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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