what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You smell like stripper and shame
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
