see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
