Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
