Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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