I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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