just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
