I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
