It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
