I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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