I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
