We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
