Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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