I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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