chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
