well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
