How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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