i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
