Can i not drive my cunt home
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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