Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
