Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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