i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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