Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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