What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
