Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
