he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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