I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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