There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
