I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
