mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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