Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
