jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
