Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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