You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
