There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
