I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
