Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
