she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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