Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
