can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
As shirtless as possible
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize