Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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