Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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