By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
