So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.