wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants