it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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