hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects