mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.