I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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