im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
