could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize