For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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