We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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