I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
