Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This girl is more easily done than said...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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