Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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