Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
